Unexpected

Whelp. here goes nothing

Navigating this dating journey, I have stumbled, tripped, and made my share of mistakes. Imperfect, yet hopeful. Because amidst the chaos, there are still great people out there.

Practice, they say, makes perfect. Dating doesn’t always draft us onto the teams we envision. Fear not; God knows precisely which team needs us. Lean into the healthier moments—the ones that align with your soul’s purpose. Prepare for the One meant for you, like really be okay with getting to know you and putting God first. Anything beyond that? Well, it only complicates things when the one does arrive. So don’t be caught slipping… I was!  

Learn from me… the lesson was sweet but the sacrifice about took me out! (LOL) I wrote a letter to the one I will always be grateful for!  (I already know y’all trying to figure it out… Relax and Read nosey!)

I don’t know what the greatest lesson has been for me but let me tell you school has certainly been in session! Our paths crossed at a moment when I finally felt okay—when I had reached a place of acceptance with my life revolving around God, myself, and my children. The echoes of past failures and heartbreaks had just begun to subside, allowing me to breathe and truly recover.

And then, there you were—not a love-at-first-sight scenario, but a quiet recognition. The broken parts of me, still healing, might not have noticed you based on mere surface attraction. Yet, I believe it was my spirit—the God within me—that recognized something different in you or maybe you were just so fine to me. Maybe it was both!

About twenty FaceTime calls later, and I sensed this was different. Feelings began to surface for both of us and fear had me in a chokehold. I wanted to tell you how terrified I was—terrified because you looked like something I never knew existed. The same safety that drew me in also held up a mirror to my past hurts, forcing me to confront them. I feared staining you, pressuring you, or altering your perception of me. I stood spiritually, emotionally, and financially naked before you.

Our friendship felt foreign yet safe. Conversations with you felt like divine messages. Have you ever experienced the Holy Spirit highlighting a word, only for it to later teach you a profound lesson? One night, you gently pointed out that I was “controlling” in a non-emotional way. It hit me like a bright light—my need for control stemmed from fear of failure, fear of having financial struggles, and concern about others’ opinions. Your kindness allowed me to embrace a truth I’d never known or at least never really identified as an issue.

Through prayer I began to ask God the hard questions and he lovingly revealed to me that…

The desire to control the narrative of my life consumed me—from relationships to the smallest conversations with friends. But then, God intervened. Through your gentle approach and just plain ole willingness to have a hard conversation with me, I learned a truth previously foreign to me. Safety existed even in your constructive criticism, allowing me to embrace vulnerability.

In our daily conversations, your words consistently challenged my thought processes and religious beliefs, planting seeds that have led to this path of unlearning and learning to get to this better version of me. When personal injustices stirred my emotions, you listened without judgment. That pivotal moment when you said, “Cherie, just say it—you cannot overwhelm me,” felt like a lifeline. For so long, I’d believed I was too much, too deep, and just a lot. Trauma from past relationships and family ties had silenced me, leaving me drowning in a pool of “I am good enoughs” as deep as a river.

But through our friendship, authenticity became my anchor. I stood in my truth, even when fear threatened to hold me back. By God’s grace and countless paragraph texts mixed with several conversations where I just rambled, I found my voice. And it was God who granted you the patience to listen, to sit with me until the words flowed coherently.

Our FaceTime conversations became sacred moments. I prayed intensely, not wanting to jeopardize this safe friendship. It was the first time I’d been in a friendship with a man I liked that included the duality of a friendship that drew me closer to loving God. Every good aspect of us, every trigger that contentment revealed, kept me grounded at the feet of Jesus.

Usually, this is where abandonment creeps in, but you defied that pattern. Frustrations and all, you always called the in the morning. My triggers certainly got the best of me …

"It was then that I realized that healing in something healthy is hard! It was forcing me to be authentic in ways I wasn’t ready to show up in yet. I found myself studying, reading more, and yearning to hear God about my purpose. Asking God the big questions—‘Who am I, and who am I becoming?’—I was frantically searching for my purpose. I didn’t want you to end up being the ‘one’ while I remained without purpose. When I look at you, I see an anointing, a calling (several, actually), ministry, and a tenderness that I’ve never seen in a man before—and it petrified me. While I should have recognized how much God thought of me to send me such a healthy experience, I didn’t. Instead, I focused on all the things I wasn’t, fixating on the one thing I didn’t see in myself: the confidence to be unapologetically me while still committing to serve God with my gifts.

I was navigating an insecurity that I didn’t even know existed! I felt insecure about being authentically me. Here I am, sitting front row to your life—the life of a man attempting to serve God with all the gifts he knows about himself, flaws and all. And he remains authentic! You remain authentic! Jesus! Not in a ‘I still want to live outrageously’ way, but in a ‘I’m going to serve God in my imperfection, allow God to show up for me, learn the lessons, and grow’ way. (whew let me catch my breath)

Experiencing ‘healthy’ explored into the deepest parts of me, parts I had no clue were there. Watching how God aligned perfect scenarios for me to catch glimpses of your gifts ignited my faith in ways I can’t explain. God was showing me, ‘Cherie, you can have both—and not just either-or!’ (quote stolen from my best friend). While this revelation simplifies to hindsight, the language used to describe it to me was that duality exists! You can have a healthy experience and be you!

Getting to know you made me accountable in every way. It sent me running to God, seeking for the courage to just show up authentically.

The beautiful thing is that, out of my fleshy fear of revealing my deepest insecurities to you (because I didn’t want it to change us), I developed a relationship with God that finally put Him first in my life. I knew that what I saw in you (God’s hand) wouldn’t allow there to ever be an ‘us’ if I didn’t get myself in order with Him first. God uses prayer and people—this I know to be true. Getting to know you created a reverence and intimacy with God I’ve never known or had until now.

What I didn’t want to come to terms with is that my decisions, and struggle to deal with my emotions appropriately still came at a price, even if the lessons were learned, grace was given, and repentance was said. I didn’t know I would possibly have to sacrifice ‘you’—you who were all in and ready to try, you who believed it might have been me as the one. The fear inside of me caused you to want to protect yourself…and everything changed.

 The truth is that I needed the experience with you to finally have the experience of the one who loves me most.

Having to trust God in the very area where about ninety percent of my unbelief lives has been a mind shift and a battle, I had no clue how to fight until now. I have to trust God to be God, even concerning you. Oh, but I do! I wholeheartedly trust Him —like Abraham walking up the mountain to sacrifice the one promise he wanted to keep. God had a ram in the bush, and I believe I will hear the same rustling in the bushes for me too.

Meeting you made me believe in marriage again. It made me desire to be the best version of myself for the man He is sending me. It honestly confirmed that I would be married again and that my Heavenly Father was working out the kinks in my life.

I just want to express my gratitude for allowing God to work through you. Thank you for demonstrating grace in areas of my life where I hadn’t previously experienced it. Your authenticity, even at times when I struggled with your truth, made a significant impact. I appreciate the experience of getting to know you.

The Lost Conversation: What you’ve just read is an open letter addressing one of the healthiest experiences I’ve had so far. God knows you intimately; He created you and understands precisely whom and what to use to achieve His purposes. Vulnerability, without being overly emotional, can be powerful—you never know how God will use it.

Love has the capacity to heal. Be open to getting to know people, seek God’s perspective on who they are to you, and be willing to grow—even if it means embracing discomfort. Disobedience comes at a high cost.

The people God sends into our lives are not ordinary; they are rare. God seeks to reveal His glory through these friendships. Treat them as sacred connections. (Remember I said the “people God sends” not who you picked)

God’s ability to transform our mistakes into blessings is remarkable. Even though this particular friendship didn’t blossom as I hoped, God used it to shape me. I am now a better version of myself, and I eagerly await the next person He sends my way.

Lastly, sometimes God requires sacrifices to develop the faith necessary for His eventual “yes.” Regardless, trust the process.

In the meantime, it’s just me and God, chilling—I can wait patiently!