Contentment

Contentment

I’m unsure if I ever understood what being in a contented state felt like until now…

Contented: feeling or showing satisfaction with one's possessions,

status, or situation

In fact, I used to pray to God to help me understand how to be content in the seasons of my life, the evs and flows of everything moving around me, moments happening, time moving… constantly contending between a place of my wants versus my gratitude.

Never thought I could ever feel satisfied. where waterfalls of needed affirmation used to flow, they have settled into the most peaceful of still streams. I am grateful for every day, lesson, and conversation… understanding there are no accidents.

I keep thinking I need to feel something... the hurries of my feelings, anxious thoughts of the possibility of moments that may never happen, or just the heaviness of the impostor (syndrome) that’s always around the corner.

Ever see something you weren’t sure you ever believed in? I saw easy, imagined reciprocity, and daydreamed of a safe cloud to lay down my vulnerability in the deepest parts of me. You know high enough to never be revealed and yet still soft enough to soak up all the tears…

Ever think you would experience such a calmness that makes you want to make time hold still? Such a sweet spot that you don’t want to look right or left?

Or just thank God because only he could allow a peace that has taken my very ability to fully describe what’s happening to me…

But it was real! I mean it is real! And I am quietly being restored from all the peaceful robberies (passive settling, intentional heartbreaks) and here I am… in awe of how the very place I stood in unbelief has now become my place of solace and happiness (you are my best friend)

In the hallway of my breakthrough, I stand here Silent (no desire to explain, no disclaimers needed) & patiently waiting… Contented Reality❤️